Thursday, December 11, 2008

Here I am again, back with excuses. I have had a sick daycare baby all week (Remember Mucous Boy? He's even mucousier.) and all he has wanted to do was sit in my lap and rock. And rock. And rock some more. And just when I think he is asleep and I can put him down? He wakes up and cries. And makes me rock. I'm feeling kind of sea-sick.

He is now on breathing treatments, and I swear he thinks I am poisoning him. Every time we get close to breathing treatment time, I break out in a cold sweat. The child goes BALISTIC. The first day, his mother told me that I had I had to put the breathing treatment thingy (this is actual medical terminology, y'all.) in his mouth, which would be fine if he did not see it coming and clamp his mouth shut as if he had jaws of iron. I pleaded and begged and got firm and then went back to pleading, and I FINALLY got his mouth open enough to get the thingy in there, only to have him clamp his mouth shut on THAT and make me beg to get it back out again. All the while, he is arching his back and screaming (I do not know how he was managing to scream without opening his mouth. The child is talented.) When I turned on the machine (that looks deceptively like an adorable koala bear) and steam started coming out of it, Owen took one horrified look at us and ran up the stairs, screaming "RUN! IT'S GONNA BLOW!" I'm not sure if he meant the machine or Mucous Boy.

When I was telling his father about all of this, I wondered aloud to him if maybe perhaps Mucous Boy had asthma, and he nodded. "Probably," he said. "He's just like me, so far. See, I only have one lung." And then, with no warning, he proceeded to pull his shirt up to his neck and show me a really huge scar on his side. I did not know quite what to say. But now I am wondering...what in the world is he talking about? I have never heard of someone having a lung removed because of asthma. One would think that would make breathing even more of an effort, would you not? I should have asked more questions, but I was so startled by his sudden turn for the naked on my porch in mid December that I could not form the words. I am not good at thinking on my feet when confronted by chest hair.

Oh! And after two days of complete hysteria? His mother tells me yesterday that it is actually fine to just hold the breathing treatment thingy up to the child's face. As long as he is breathing the medication in, it's fine. Poor baby. I've traumatized him for nothing. He will probably have an irrational fear of koala bears for the rest of his life.

And I will have an irrational fear of over-sharing men with one lung. Thankfully, neither koala bears or one-lunged men are in abundance here in Georgia.

At least, I hope not.


33 comments:

Amy said...

LOL!:)

That is funny!

Like you, I stay at home, and I have had people say to me, "You stay at home....how do you have anything to blog about?"

I just looked at them and said, "You have NO idea! I don't even have to leave my house....the craziness just finds me here." ;)

Note to self: Wait until the cold and flu season is over before visiting with Gwendolyn and Nikowa.;)
And never answer the door at Gwendolyn's house if it is a man with one lung.;)

Liz said...

I sure do miss you when your gone cause you always make my day! I'd recommend no field trips to the zoo for the little guy and you should avoid all one lung guy strip joints! Have a great day!

Dena @ Green Acres said...

Poor Owen. All 3 of my kids have asthma and I know of the evil machine of which you speak. Toss out the mouth piece and save your sanity...they make pediatric masks that you can put on (the strap goes behind their head to keep it in place). Then they can arch, kick & scream to their hearts content. I know, because mine did the same thing. Their specialist actually said it was good to let them scream. That caused them to breathe deeper and the medicine would go in further.
Plus with the mask on, I was able to play silly games with them to distract them, or read stories. Good luck and I hope he feels better!

Beverly said...

weird! Why doesn't mom try to take time off and stay with son?

Anne Elizabeth said...

Lol. I don't know what I would have done if I had seen the dad pull his shirt up. Craziness. I too wonder why the little boy's mommy didn't stay home w/ him.

Jennifer said...

Okay, you really make me laugh!
Looks like crying on my blog today and cracking up on yours!I do not know how you kept a straight face on that one! I too will be avoiding the naked man on your porch with one lung....
Have a great Thursday!

Jen

Gwendolyn said...

To all who are wondering...I honestly do not know why the mom doesn't stay home with him. She even brings the children to me when she is off, even though I offered to defer my payment for those days. She says she needs her "me time". I see this a lot, sadly.

MamaHenClucks said...

Oh thank you for the laugh this morning. I was in desperate need of one!

Jenn said...

Poor little boy! But, you do have a way with words that crack me up!

Mina said...

Hi stranger! Good to see you back.

My husband has several chronic lung conditions. And if you have severe enough asthma for long enough, permanent damage can be done to the lung tissue, and sometimes it does require removal. We were almost to that point, thankfully, it wasn't necessary. But one lung can certainly adapt breathing capacity to make up for the missing one.

But he shouldda kept his shirt on. There's no excuse for that. ;-)

word ver= brest. Misspelled, but somehow, fitting for flasher man.

Wendi @ Every Day Miracles said...

Wow, I wasn't prepared for the laughing and had just taken a sip of my grape juice. That wasn't pretty!

I did day care for a few years and totally get the crazy busy element it lends to your life. It sounds like you are a wonderful care provider! - Breathing machine and all!

All three of our boys have had breathing issues and so our nebulizer is a permanent fixture here. :) Good times...

Hannah said...

LOL

Hope Mucous Boy gets better soon. There is something much more gross about snot when it comes from a child other than your own. At least for me, anyway.

Jennifer said...

I swear you should write something. A book, for a newspaper, or something. You are just too stinkin' funny!

KDLOST said...

one lunged men or koala bears! lol!

:)

sending snow wishes your way... (hey it worked for me, maybe it'll work for you too...)

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

You are HYSTERICAL, woman! Of course we can't forget Mucous Boy! Oh, that is so funny about his dad. I must say, though, that you may have the most challenging job in the world: daycaring. It ranks right up there with bus driving. You must have nerves of steel, not figurative, but literal nerves of steel. I pay homage to you, my friend.

Aleta said...

That was hilarious! OMG, don't make me laugh, I'm still getting over my chest cold and it hurts to laugh - but LMAO - great post!

Tova Darling said...

One lung because of asthma? That makes no sense at all! Investigate!!

Julie said...

I did miss you...and the laughs....thanks for keeping us all laughing!!! God is good - ALL the time!

Boy Mom said...

Thanks for your Georgia sense of humor, I'll laugh myself to sleep tonight and dream of mucousy Koala bears, and one lung men with hairy chests.

Edie said...

Wahahahaha!! Oh dear I love visiting you. I always laugh out loud several times. I'm so sorry for mucous boy. LOL! Really I am.

The visual on his dad is hysterical and scary at the same time. I can just imagine the blank look on your face. LOL!!

Hey I have to tell you. I like your new Christmas picture but it sure makes me tired. That girls got some energy! LOL.

Rachelle said...

Bahahahahaha! So funny! I worked in Daycares before and too had to do the breathing treatment with kids who were way to sick to be there.....so sad for the little ones....

Dena @ Green Acres said...

Ok, after re-reading your post, I see it was not Owen that you fear may have asthma, but a day care kid. My excuse is that I was awake from 4am on, and I still was not seeing clearly by 9am or whenever I posted. :P

Growin' with it! said...

i don't know which is harder, my own child being miserably sick or one i'm taking care of. torture and horrible to know what to do. hang in there!

Savvy Mode SG said...

ok i had to laugh but oh poor little thing.

Beverlydru said...

Oh Gwendolyn, your posts are never boring, to put it mildly. At least he's not contagious - poor little kitten boy. Prrrrrrr.

Jackie @ Our Moments Our Memories said...

Girl you are too much...yeah, I don't do too well when confronted with chest hair either. Hahaha!

I know your terribly busy...but when you get a chance, email me the pics of your kids and I'll start on your header. :)

Jenny said...

Okay - first you had me at your new profile ... dancing a holiday jig in front of what looks like the North Pole - I love it!! Then, I proceeded to read what was one of the funniest reads of come across ... (I have to spell this out for emphasis) ... Truly LAUGH OUT LOUD!! God bless you - you must be working on sainthood or something. And, what about Mr. Hairy Chest with One Lung? What was he thinking??? As I always say - It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round. Oh, goodness.

Hope you're enjoying the weekend. :)

Colored With Memories said...

i have got to stop by your blog more often...every time I do i have to muffle my laughter to not wake up the family!

Heather of the EO said...

You're too funny. I have to say that no one has ever lifted up their shirt to show me a scar. And I'm ok with that. :)

Kelly said...

Poor baby!! I have one of those at home right now. Every time I put her down she screams to be picked back up!! :o( I trust all is well soon!! (found you via Debra!) Have a great week ahead!

MyKidsMom said...

I've gone through the "shirt lifted up to see my scar" routine as well; I only wish it HAD been my own hubby, cause I'm still trying to figure out why the other guy thought I would want to see it...;)

Yuck, I don't do other people's kids noses; bless your heart.

Maggie said...

Oh that was funny!! HA HA Thanks so much for the laugh!! =)

Jennifer said...

oh my dear goodly gracious you are funny!
I don't know you, but I looove you!! :D (sing to country melody)