Wednesday, September 17, 2008

My youngest son has always called his...um...private parts... by an interesting name. As soon as he could talk, he referred to it as his "pirate", because he could not say "private" and we are SO not politically correct enough to teach him what it is actually called. Actually, this has saved us from numerous embarassing situations, such as when he was two and we were in the grocery store, and he went on a long tangent about how his pirate was itchy and had a rash, and the other shoppers just thought that he was discussing an unfortunate imaginary friend.

Anyway, the reason that I am telling you this is that a couple of days ago Ben ran over Owen's stuffed Superman doll with the lawnmower. (Don't look at me like that. It will make sense in a minute.) He didn't mean to run over it, but the children had left it in the yard and he didn't see it until it was too late. Owen, far from being traumatized, was fascinated by the carnage. He ran around for ages yesterday afternoon searching for the amputated body parts, calling out joyfully "Look, Mama! Here's his head! And his feet are all the way over by the mailbox!" I just nodded at the appropriate moments, not really paying attention because one of our cats was trying to climb up on top of my head, when he called out for all to hear, "MAMA! LOOK AT THIS LITTLE PIECE I JUST FOUND! IT MUST BE HIS PIRATE!"

My neighbor looked up from his yard work. Our eyes met, and I laughed a shrill, embarassed laugh. "Yes, Owen!" I called, "His pirate! Superman's little pirate buddy! How wonderful that you found him!" And then I called him in quickly before he could finish insisting "No, Mama! I mean it's his PIRATE, like on his BODY....." and I shut the door as fast as I could. I may have even burried my head in my hands and mumbled "Oh my word I am SO EMBARASSED!", but I can't be positive.

Why did no one warn me that parenthood was so fraught with mortification? If I had known, I would at least have practiced blushing.

11 comments:

Jennifer said...

Hey, I've heard worse names for it than that! And I am pretty sure, although not knowing your neighbors I can't be 100%, that your neighbor might have known what he actually meant, lol!

chickadee@afamiliarpath said...

that is hilarious!!!

CrossView said...

We so chose the politically incorrect route, too. And for just those times! =D

Mrs. Darling said...

Oh how funny! This is the best story Ive heard in a long time.

For some reason my brothers grew up calling it a deal. One day as adults they were all playing monopoly with my Dad. My dad had property to sell and so did my brother. They both wanted the other brother to buy their property because he was the only one with money. Annoyed, my Dad shouts out to the brother and says, "Hey, my deal is bigger than your deal" meaning of course that he was offering more land at a better price. But, oh my word, the entire game ended there as the room just erupted into guffaws of laughter. They finished the game right then and there, but the family has never forgotten!!! LOL

hedgetoad said...

ha!

Smilingsal said...

I have two words to respond to this:

FUN KNEE

Chel's Leaving a Legacy said...

Hi there, just stopping by from 2nd Cup of Coffee...this is my first time here.

Has anyone ever told you that you are stinkin' hilarious?

Just wondering. :-)

I have three boys myself, so I can TOTALLY relate to this post. (imagine grin from ear to ear.)
Nice to meet you! I'll be back!

Sharon said...

That's SO funny -- my boy used the same term "pirate" when he was a toddler and we always got such a laugh out of it. Of course, then when the Pirates of the Caribbean movies came out, he envisioned it being about something ELSE altogether ....!

Octamom said...

I have been giggling since yesterday about this post and had to come back and giggle again! ;o)

Thanks for your comments on today's Selah--

Blessings!

40winkzzz said...

This may be the most, um, *interesting* "first comment on a blog" that I've ever made, but I have to make it anyway.

(I assume with the ages of your kids that you are familiar with Veggie Tales. If you aren't, you might not quite get this.)

I read the bit about "pirates" to my 17-y/o daughter, after which we simultaneously burst into song. "We are the pirates who don't do anything, we just stay home and lie around..." Um, yeah. Warped minds think alike.

Teri~Facedown said...

I came over from Lindas at Second Cup...when I saw part of your post on her blog I had to come over and let you know that my daughter calls her private area a pirate too! I am not kidding! She is six now and still calls it that! The funny things is, for my boys we always called their parts by the correct anatomical names, but with her I just couldn't bring myself to say the proper words, so we called it private too. When she was about two she said "Funny mommy, priate, arrrr" And from then on that is what she called it!