The temperatures have dipped below eighty here in Georgia, and my husband and children have lost their minds.
Last night, when it was still a good seventy degrees, they were cuddling up in comforters with their lips turning blue. They even had the audacity to ask me to turn off the air conditioning, as if that is something that you do here in the south before Halloween. Can you imagine? Turn off the air conditioning...oh, how that makes me laugh! Silly people. I could still break into a sweat in seventy degree weather if I did anything strenuous. Not that I was planning to or anything, but the potential is always there. We have to be prepared for anything after all, and sweating is evil. Just ask my sister-in-law, whose air conditioning has been broken for several weeks. Don't you think that if she could avoid sweating, she would? Does it not follow that we should avoid all pretense of sweating in honor of her suffering? I just knew that you would agree with me.
In other news, my sons have bunk beds now. We traded beds with my nephew, because he had bunk beds and didn't need them, and my boys were sleeping on a captain's bed with a trundle that, when opened, took up most of the bedroom. So we traded, and now they are thrilled beyond words. The only problem is that they have a ceiling fan in their room and now I am horribly afraid that one of them is going to climb onto the top bunk and get his head chopped off. Ben assures me that this is impossible, and he knows this because "Myth Busters" did a show about that once. ("Myth Busters" is one step below the Bible as an authority in my house. Don't you wish you lived here?) But I am still worried. Thankfully, they are far too frozen to have the ceiling fan on right now, so maybe I won't have to fear much for their heads until spring. I'm going to have to figure something out by then, though. The Easter pictures would just look weird if half of my children were headless.
Hmm. What else was I going to tell you? Josie and Grace spent all night last night working on campaign posters because Grace is running for Student Council Vice-President. We have to come up with a speech for her to give on Friday, and I am stumped. What exactly does one say in a speech when you are in forth grade and running for an office and you actually have no idea what that office entails? Are campaign promises appropriate, and if so, which ones? I somehow think that promising to end world hunger and lower gas prices won't work in this particular situation. Perhaps she could promise more than ten minutes to eat lunch and lower ice-cream prices? And what about her opponents? I suppose I should prepare her that they will probably try to dig up any skeletons that she has in her closet. Goodness knows, at nine she has had more than enough time for scandalous activities. There was that time when she was seven and I walked in to find her meticulously feeding pieces of construction paper to the paper shredder. She said that they were just old pictures of houses and flowers, but that's what they all say. Who knows what to believe anymore?
Homeschooling was never this complicated.
(Tyler, Texas) — This morning, Fox News Opinion published my latest op-ed on how to defeat the Islamic State and protect the American people and our allies...
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