Monday, November 10, 2008

My little daycare boy is...leaky. Mucousy. Wheezy. If he were not so adorable (and I were not getting paid) I would be backing away from him while brandishing a crucifix and wailing "UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!". That is, if I owned a crucifix. Which I don't. But anyway. You get the picture.

The problem is, he is ALWAYS like this, and he has been here since August. I have mentioned the possibility of allergies to his mother, but she just looks at me and blinks. Maybe he has been this way so long that she can't comprehend a non-phlemy child? I can only assume that she is pondering what to do to stop the flow of...ick...but until then I'm swimming in Kleenex. I thought about teaching him to wipe his own nose, and then strapping a box of tissues to one side of him and a small trash can to the other, but he has only been walking for a few months and I figured that was asking a bit much. Plus he'd probably eat the tissues. Or take them all out of the box and decorate my couch. Either way I think I'm stuck chasing him around the house all day chanting "Ew...Ew...Ew", and that is time-consuming, not to mention hard on the vocal chords. Do you think I could collect disability if I lost my voice? Or my nose-wiping capabilities?

Childcare is fraught with danger, y'all. Remember that.

Anyway, the other day Alex was sitting on the floor playing with Mucous Boy, and he looked up at me and smiled. "I just love babies!" He said, and I agreed that babies were quite wonderful. Mucous Boy wheezed his approval. "When I grow up, I am going to pray that God gives me a baby like this." Alex continued. I paused a moment to wonder what qualities he admired so in this particular child. Was it the big brown eyes? The chubby cheeks? The adorable way that he babbles, sounding exactly as if he is speaking Mandarin Chinese with a southern accent? I did not have to wait long for my answer.

He leaned in toward the baby's head and listened. Mucous Boy took in a rattly breath and grinned. Alex smiled back. "I want God to give me a baby that purrs JUST LIKE THIS ONE!"

Great. Just what I always wanted. Purring grandchildren.

Do you think I could keep him from praying that prayer if I buy him an asthmatic cat?

36 comments:

Jenn said...

Oh my goodness that was gross and hilarious all at the same time!

Amy said...

LOL!:) You are so funny!

I'm laughing and gagging at the same time.;)

Edith said...

Too funny - love the description. I certainly could not be a childcare provider - you have my admiration and thanks.

Ron said...

we used to call the kids the glazed donut monster .. they would wipe thier noses all over their faces and then come after you rasping and glazy

good to see ya back

Karen said...

After the "blonde" morning I have had, I needed this laugh. Sorry about the germs, though. Perhaps you might invest in a lifetime supply of rubber gloves?

enjoy!
karen

Maggie said...

Very funny! That was so sweet that he thought the baby was purring - how adorable!! =)

Chel's Leaving a Legacy said...

This was hysterical! The suspense at the end...what did he like about this baby? How cute are you!

I'm with Amy here: laughing and gagging at the same time!

Denise said...

You are soooooo funny. lol

Mary said...

lol! funny as always, I love your blog!

Beverlydru said...

Humor- what would we do without it?? Thanks for the smile today. And I'd rather my grandbabies don't purr. I have a cat for that.

Liz said...

You are so funny! Made my day! I have one of those snot ridden babies at my house too...but my version does not purr...he does bark though! Woof!

*MARY* said...

I hope God blesses me with a kid as funny as yours.

Sara@ Butterville said...

I have such a fondness for snot syndrome. Ok, a more like a if I NEVER see another runny booger in my life it won't be long enough fondness. Some parents need a good sneeze and snot in the mouth to get it don't they?
Alex, now THAT is funny.
I'll take the cat please.

Brenda Susan said...

Ha! Leave it to a munchkin to hear flemy, mucousy wheezing as "purring"! That is so cute & funny! Thanx for sharing!

Edie said...

WAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

That was hysterical and adorable (and ok, kinda icky too)!

Jenny said...

Oh, my gosh - you had me rolling on this one! I do so love your sharing! :)

BTW, Tag, you're it! Stop by to play!

Lindsey said...

LoL! That's so funny! Now I'll try to think of sick little kids as purring sniffly kittens instead of ... well, let's just say I have the same crucifix-brandishing desires, lol.

Oh, I like that word fraught, too. Fraught with danger! Fraught fraught fraught!

Thanks for the comment on my blog. :-) I know, it's horrible not having a good book to read! The one I'm reading now is good, too - The Shadow of Colossus by T.L. Higley.

God bless!

Julie said...

Thanks so much for the laugh...as my boys are behind me fighting and yelling at each other the dog and whoever is around them!!!

Momma Malek said...

Too cute, and gross! My little guy purrs sometimes. He's not gooey, though. And I LOVED the pic Owen drew on your last post. I think that was how a lot of faces were looking that night.

Homesteader in Training said...

Hello my friend. This post was hilarious! I have some award love to throw at you. I hope you come claim it at my blog.
Hugs.
Kim

Kelley said...

My nephew is like that. I hate my hugs good-bye but I do love the little man.

Colored With Memories said...

purring grandchildren...still laughing! great post.

Mandy @ Adventures of a Millennium Mom said...

That is so funny! Poor little purring mucous boy!

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

You absolutely need to submit this to a magazine. It is priceless! It made my day!

Jackie @ Our Moments Our Memories said...

This is possibly the best thing I have seen all day!

I love how Alex saw it as "purring" instead of a dripping, phlemy wheezing. :)

Jerralea said...

Aww, that's so adorable that Owen saw it as purring ... I love the way you write!

Thanks for coming by yesterday. I love rainy days, too, if I can stay home; most times I have to be out in it ... which makes ME have mucous! See, I can relate to almost any post!

Mocha with Linda said...

Linda @ 2nd Cup sent me over! My symapthies - and you have one cute little boy! That is priceless!!

Sandy said...

That was so cute.

Blessings,
Sandy Cooper
www.godspeakstoday.blogspot.com

Melli said...

Out of the mouths of babes! That is God's love through the eyes of a child! Perfect love! And EVER so sweet!

Liz said...

Linda from 2nd Cup of Coffee sent me over to read this story. So funny! Poor little guy. I would be thinking "ick", too, though.

Linda Vujnov said...

You should submit this to MOPS.org...very cute story! You are a great writer. That's where I got my publishing start.

Life In Progress said...

After a very rough morning, this story made me smile. My two-year-old had a few mucousy weeks due to allergies this fall, so I really appreciate this one!

Laurie Ann said...

Bless his heart! Poor thing, but he probably doesn't know any different quality of life, LOL. Too cute - a purring grandson...

Patrice said...

I am laughing so hard!! That is sooooo funny!

Susanne said...

Having a dayhome myself, I can totally relate. I'm already stocking up on extra kleenex and purell hand sanitizer for the coming winter.

Your boy is quite the optimist. A purring baby. That is sweet.

Debra said...

ok, that was just laugh out loud funny!