Friday, October 10, 2008

Nature's campaign against me continues.

This morning while I (say it with me, people) was waiting on the porch for my daycare kids, I was once again attacked by a flying creature. Seriously, from now on I am waiting inside. The outside is dead to me. I mean it this time.

There I was, standing in my bare feet and wondering how exactly I had forgotten to eat breakfast, because honestly y'all, I don't forget to eat. Eating ranks right up there on my list of favorite things to do, right under reading but slightly above watching HGTV. So I was mystified by this, and apparently I had my mouth open in wonderment or some other such appropriate emotion, when an insect flew RIGHT IN MY MOUTH. I started choking and sputtering, and tears were streaming down my face either in desperation because I was choking on a bug or horror that I was choking on a bug, I can't be sure which.

This, of course, is when my daycare family rounded the corner and proceeded up the path to my door. They were greeted by my tear-stained face and frantic coughing fit, and I'm surprised that the mother didn't take her children and run because by all appearances I was dying. Would you leave your children with a dying woman? I am not entirely sure about her maternal instinct right about now. And then, internet...and THEN, when I calmed down enough to explain my plight to the woman, do you think that she offered me any sympathy whatsoever? Do you think that she gave me her shoulder to cry on while I regained my composure and accepted the fact that I had just EATEN AN INSECT FOR BREAKFAST??? No. Do you know what she did?

She laughed at me.

And not just a little laugh, either. She was doubled over on my front porch, in complete hysteria. I am grievously offended.

This is the woman that showed up at my house the other day in her bare feet because she had left her house and driven all the way to mine, and did not notice until she got out of the car that she wasn't wearing any shoes. It was raining, people. How in the world did she not notice that she was shoeless while she was loading up two toddlers into her car, much less while she was driving? And did I laugh at her? Well, yes, but only after she left. The point is, I was nice and did not tell her that I thought that she was kind of dingy, and only laughed behind her back when I called my sister-in-law to tell her about it. Why could she not give me that same dignity? I fear I am scarred for life.

But as for the insects of the world, I'm never trusting them again. If, in the future, I do venture outside my front door, I will keep my mouth firmly closed. I will not even TALK outside again, and I may not even breath. Which I guess will limit my outside time somewhat anyway. But at least I will be safe from suicidal bugs.

Honestly, I was not THAT hungry.

23 comments:

Jennifer said...

I think it is a conspiracy, lol! And I am truly sorry, but I would have laughed too, even though I know how yucky that is, I have done it before myself.

Smilingsal said...

Ewwww. I hate bugs. I would not have laughed, but I would suggest you keep your mouth shut! LOL

Jenn said...

How comical! Sorry, I was laughing here! :)

Hannah said...

LOL

Tonya said...

Well if nothing else it gave you a great post! Sorry she laughed at you. Just know that I am laughing with you ;)

Jerralea said...

Hilarious post! ... I take it your daycare family does not read your blog?

Unfortunately, I understand your feelings. I have swallowed a bug or two in my life, also!

bensrib said...

do you suppose that's where that Bible verse comes from - the one about straining at a gnat? Maybe there's a spiritual lesson here. Somewhere.

chanelireli said...

That is hilarious! I probably would have giggled and then offered sympathy :) Seriously, no shoes?

PJ said...

Okay...just have to check here. How far south of the Mason-Dixon line are you??/ Eating bug and going barefoot?? Sigh! I'm envious. Soon it will be freezing up here and I'll WISH I could be barefoot and not notice!!!

Nikowa said...

Ok, I admit it. I'm not laughing with you....I'm laughing at you! ROFL

Angel said...

I am totally with you. I don't know how outdoors-y types do it. LOL

PJ said...

LOL. You wish for seasons. I'm wishing for warm...just as it's getting cooler up here!! I'm reknown for barefootedness* (Is that even a word???) Any footwear heavier than a sandal is a burden -- it's getting close to boot weather up here!

Baby Tunnel Exodus said...

Really? She laughed AT you? Shoulda given her the people's elbow. I mean really. Followed up by a you're fiiiiiiirrrrrreddddd(uh). (Think Cat in the Hat) Yeah, I'm done having babies, but everything in my life relates to a Disney flick in one way or another.

But, the outside you're dead to me line? That's the funniest thing I've ever read anywhere. You're my hero.

Blessings, Whitney

Angela said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog! I am so sorry about the bug incident. Yuck! I know how gross that is as I have had it happen when we were boating. Sigh.

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

I have done this while running, and it certainly breaks your stride. But it's always fun to tell people about!

Jackie @ Our Moments Our Memories said...

Now that was not nice of her. Not one bit.

Of course, since you can't see me now, I will not admit that I am laughing as well. Not AT you...no, of course not.

aswewalk.com said...

You need to have a regular article in your local paper. You are hilarious!! I read a lot of blogs, but I always KNOW reading yours will produce a hearty belly laugh.

By the way, I would have laughed, too! And then I'd have given you a little tabasco to wash it down. Lol.

Linda said...

Ewwww! I feel for you. That rates right up there with bugs flying up your nose! No one deserves that! Perhaps one of those netted hats would be an option? ha.

Chel's Leaving a Legacy said...

This post made me laugh...suicidal bugs and nature's campaign against you...hilarious!

Octamom said...

Your avatar is hysterical! Very thematically appropriate!! So sorry about the bug-protein shake for breakfast---yuckkkkkk!!!

Loved your comment over at my place--summer being tolerated--amen!

Blessings!

Kelley said...

I ate a spider this morning. Don't you statistically eat like 20 bugs a year or something?

Kim in MI said...

I, for one, am not sure whether to laugh at you (behind your back, of course) or to throw up at the grossness of that experience.

Denise said...

You make me laugh, I like that.